it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
