he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
