wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
