Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
