508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
