I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
It's shark week go big or go home
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
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