Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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