I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
