2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
