Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Holy shit dude........stairs
Randomize
