I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Randomize
