That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
