I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
