Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
