barbara walters just said penis...
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I intend to get homeless drunk
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
