Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
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