make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
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