ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
