You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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