Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
