I'm jealous of your bromance
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
So many bounce houses so little time
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Randomize
