Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
