I can't breathe out the right side of my face
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
The uberlube is also flammable
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
