I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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