There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
why do cheetos always look like penises
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
