life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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