i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Randomize
