somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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