Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Do you have feelings for this penis?
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
