woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
