Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
