ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
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