All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
