She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
