Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
There's always time for handjobs
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
