I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Randomize