well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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