He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize