your thong is hanging out like whoa
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
