I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
