He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
so much tequila, so little girl.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize
