i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
