he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize