His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Randomize
