end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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