lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Randomize
