I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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