All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Randomize
