i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
