so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
