No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
