We named our party play list daddy issues
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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