So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Randomize
