Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
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