You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
