Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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