i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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