I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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