Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
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