I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize