Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
