halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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