You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
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