I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Randomize
