Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
