I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
