Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Randomize
