After last night, I could never be a politician.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
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