I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
