Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
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