I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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