new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Randomize
