Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Randomize
