I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize