Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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