He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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