Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
