i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
