so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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