Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
