Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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