my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
