OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
