She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
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