Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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