But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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