It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
she smelled like a LAN party
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
