So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Randomize
