Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
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