when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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