his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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