I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
