Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
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