I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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