this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Randomize
