hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
