Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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