i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
