apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize
