Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
