i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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