it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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