If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize